As we all are aware, Kansas is on lockdown due to the coronavirus. Everybody is ordered to stay at their homes and not leave the state and if you are already out of state when you come back you must be quarantined for at least two weeks. Now, I have not been personally quarantined myself, but it feels like I am by not being able to go anywhere. Let me run you through a day in the Jones household in quarantine.
It’s early morning or so you think it is, but then you look at your clock and realize its 1:00 in the afternoon and you slept half of the day. Well that can only be because you stayed up for hours the night before logging in your hours on practicing to become the greatest video game player of all time, news flash: you’re not as good as you think you are. So now that you only have about half the day to do something productive but you decide not to. You either go back to sleep or you restart the everlasting rind that is Call of Duty.
You can also throw eating healthy out of the window as well. Since everyone is panicking over the pandemic and want to stock up on supplies your parents buy all of the snacks you could ever dream of. Probably enough to last you until the actual end of days, but screw it this is the end of times as we know right? No fatty, you were once in shape and now you’re not anymore and you are in complete denial of it all. Seriously, go drink a health shake and go workout you chubby idiot.
Speaking of working out, what is there to even do? The gym is closed, if this virus really is toxic as they say it is it must be able to infect people through the air right? No. Stop making excuses and do something and quit being a lazy slob. Who are we kidding? You aren’t going outside at all today. Plus, your fingers need strengthened for your future career in pro gaming. You are going to be the LeBron James of Fortnite someday. People could say, “Just stay inside or do pushups or sit-ups to stay in shape. Ya, and actually do something beneficial towards my physique? I think not, what is this 1987?
Do you guys remember when getting a package in the mail was super cool and it was like its own little Christmas? Well it still is, but now it’s for supplies like toilet paper (if one could only be so lucky am I right?). Like just the other day I’m awake at a decent time but this is mostly due to my dog barking at the window and snotting all over it. This could only mean one thing. Delivery, finally! I go put on my lucky Christmas hat due to all the excitement. I go to wake up my cousin only to find him in his room sprawled out all over the floor in a puddle of drool, or at least I hope that’s drool. After all, his thumb is jammed tightly into his snoring mouth. Ew gross, he even has snot running from his nose and he just farted. Never mind, I’ll let him be in all his sleeping glory.
I now secure the package and make sure it is safe so the hell-hound itself (my dog) doesn’t tear it up all over the house. Now I’m back to trying to figure out what to do in pressing times like these. Then, I slowly turn my head to the left towards my laundry room and notice the lost and found pile of clothes on my shelf. Then I remember my cousin is asleep and very vulnerable to the element of surprise right at this moment. So let’s have some fun.
I start trying on different sets of “costumes” and finally decided on my chosen outfit for this super important mission. I walk out of the laundry room in the greatest horror costume ever made. To kick things of I’m wearing my friend’s hoodie he left here with my mom’s bra over it, next I’m wear leggings with women’s running shorts over them on my lower half. As for the ultimate cherry on top I’m wearing my under wear on my head. Now let’s get into position.
I quickly duck into my cousins closet and proceed to spam text his phone saying I was kidnapped and needed his help and for him to call my parents. In doing this I know he will walk to his closet and try to quickly get dressed. Boy was I right, he snaps his door open only to be met by me jump scaring the life out of him. It’s safe to say it’s a good thing he decided to wear his brown sweats to bed the night before.
So that is typically what goes on while I’m “quarantined”, and to believe I’m only 19 years old. I can’t wait to see what I come up with next.